let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
