Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize