Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
