why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
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Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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