he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
