You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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