I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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