theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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