I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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