It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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