omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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