a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize