how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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