Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Two words: blizzard sex
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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