Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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