Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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