my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
