so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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