she smelled like a LAN party
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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