you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
