Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
