Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
