I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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