i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
