On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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