So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
