dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
