I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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