I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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