the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
