this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
