allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
