I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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