HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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