Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
