I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The air taste purple.
Randomize
