I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
