So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize