I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
