At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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