im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
