I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
