I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
