I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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