Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize