I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
