omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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