There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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