Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
