Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
