if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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