I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
