the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
