You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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