I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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