no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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