I'm gonna have a badass scar
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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