im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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