I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
