O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
