it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
