Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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