Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
