Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize