We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
