im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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