I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
